Self Image roots

self image, father wounds, mother wound, adult relationships, healing journey, self-worth, approval acceptance, people pleasers, fantasy dad, psycho drama, unconditional love, self-acceptance, emotional healing, father treatment, self-perception

Eli discusses the impact of father wounds on self-image, suggesting that how fathers treat their children shapes their self-perception and influences adult relationships. He notes that many people, especially women, carry negative self-images due to unresolved issues with their fathers. Eli emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing these wounds to break the cycle of low self-esteem and poor relationship choices. He plans to develop psychodrama therapy to help individuals identify and work through these issues. Eli also highlights the need to grieve the fantasy of a perfect father and accept the reality, advocating for personal healing to make better life choices.

Self Image and Father Wounds

• Eli begins by discussing the weather and recent natural disasters, hinting at a broader discussion on end times and spiritual teachings.
• Eli introduces his main topic: self-image and its connection to father wounds, emphasizing that everyone perceives themselves differently based on their upbringing.
• He explains that father wounds significantly impact how individuals see themselves and carry over into adult relationships.
• Eli shares his observation from a recent psychodrama session where three participants with severe father wounds struggled in their personal lives.

Personal Healing Journey

• Eli recounts his own healing journey, revealing how his self-image was shaped by his father’s treatment and words.
• He describes the process of shedding his father’s negative influence and valuing himself more through personal growth and therapy.
• Eli emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing how one’s father treated them to improve self-image and relationships.
• He encourages listeners to reflect on their own relationships with their fathers and how it affects their self-perception.

Impact of Father’s Absence

• Eli discusses the long-term effects of a father’s absence or neglect, using a client’s experience to illustrate how it leads to feelings of worthlessness.
• He highlights the primary roles of mothers and fathers in providing unconditional love and approval, respectively.
• Eli points out that people-pleasers often come from backgrounds where they never felt valued or accepted.
• He stresses the importance of understanding and addressing these early experiences to make better choices and feel more confident.

Grieving the Fantasy Father

• Eli talks about the need to grieve the fantasy of a perfect father and accept the reality of the father one had.
• He shares his own experience of doing “daddy work” in his early 20s to let go of unrealistic expectations and move forward.
• Eli acknowledges the intergenerational impact of poor fathering, noting that many fathers today were also neglected by their own fathers.
• He emphasizes the importance of healing to break the cycle and make positive changes in one’s life and relationships.

Psychodrama Therapy and Self-Image

• Eli introduces the concept of psychodrama therapy as a tool to help individuals work through father wounds and improve self-image.
• He describes a specific psychodrama session where a participant identified negative self-perceptions tied to her father’s treatment.
• Eli explains how role-playing with a participant portraying her father and an ex-boyfriend helped her see the patterns of behavior and their impact on her life.
• He encourages listeners to consider psychodrama therapy as a way to understand and address their own self-image issues.

Encouragement and Final Thoughts

• Eli encourages listeners to stop seeing themselves as losers and to recognize their own worth and potential.
• He shares his belief that understanding and healing father wounds is crucial for personal growth and success.
• Eli reflects on the positive changes in his own life after addressing his father issues and emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance.
• He concludes by wishing listeners a good weekend and sharing a personal anecdote about a kind neighbor, reinforcing the importance of positive relationships.

Hola, happy Friday, 80 degrees, almost out here, october 11. Are we blessed? Or what? My brother Tim and his wife went to the beach today, actually, wow. But no global warming, just a wise tail so and look what’s happening in Florida, those poor people, those lovely hurricanes. If you’re wondering if we’re in end times, you gotta be really asleep not to realize the answer is yes, right? It’s crazy. It’s just crazy, but it’s all good, because it’s gotta be a bloody birth, as Rabbi Joel taught us, but focus on the baby coming. It’s going to be lovely. I don’t know what’s going to be a boy or a girl or twins, but it’s going to be amazing. So I wanted to do a little presentation today. I’ve been working on a theory about self image. Now that’s how you imagine yourself, your self image. And everybody imagine themselves a different way, and I have a hunch that it has a lot to do with our father wounds, the way our father treated us, talk to us, respected us, didn’t respect us, valued us, didn’t value us. I think the mother wound has other angles, something to do with intimacy, emotions, but I think the father wound really affected how we see ourselves, and then, unfortunately, carries on to our adult relationships. We had three amazing ladies working at the psychodrama last Sunday, and all three had some severe father wounds. I was just blown away, wonderful women, but it showed up in their life. You know, they’re all with loser man. Men don’t value them, etc, etc. Now, I know sometimes we’re like Moz going to the flame, wanting to get that connection that we didn’t have with our daddy. So that’s part of it. So what I want you guys to think about, and I’m going to be trying to develop some kind of psycho drama work to help us work through this. You know, when I was younger, I saw myself a certain way, and then when I started getting into my healing journey, and had some really good help with that, I started to realize that a lot of the way I saw myself was the way my dad saw me, treated me, talk to me, etc, etc, and through the work that I did, I pretty much shed a lot of his crap that he put inside of Me, my little subconscious program. But for a long time, you know, I didn’t value myself. I didn’t think I was worthwhile. I settled, you know, I hate settlers. I never felt like I could speak up. I was always nervous about like, doing stuff like this, because dad was never there supporting Tim and I to do these things so it doesn’t have to you can be male or female, but if you think about your relationship with your dad, just process that. Did he make you feel like you were the catch of the day, or did he make you feel like you were a burden, or you were a bother, things like that, and then take a look. Ask yourself, how do I imagine myself in the world your self image? And I’m pretty damn sure you’re all going to realize that the way dad treated us is ties into our self image, how we imagine ourselves. And here’s the good news or the bad news, if you don’t fix it, you carry around his yoke, his burden, for the rest of your life. And I see that so much. You know, when I work with clients, I I just, I adore them. You know, they’re amazing, but they don’t see what I see. And you know, that’s why I started to think about this self image more and more. It’s like, how do they see themselves? What’s that based on? And I think a lot of that has to do with the relationship with their dad, especially if your dad abandoned you. You know, I saw a young man last night in the office. His dad wasn’t around. Never came to his games. He was big in his sports and different things like that, and he’s still walking around feeling like he’s this invaluable. Human being because that dad never gave him his time and attention. And for years, I’ve said in my practice that the mom’s primary job for us is to make us feel unconditionally loved. So that brings up other issues. If you never felt that way with your Mom, dad’s primary job is to make you feel approved of and accepted and cared about and valued, but especially approval and acceptance. And you know, if you look at the people pleasers out there, then look back at their childhoods, you’re going to see a connection, because they never felt like they were worthwhile. And what’s so tragic is people don’t realize this. That’s why Eli tries to keep things simple, to help people look at themselves and understand things you know, instead of going into a psychoanalysis or deeper stuff, this is simple stuff if you if you spend some time doing it, so you may have friends that value you, but you don’t get it. You know, my first few male mentors saw something in me I didn’t realize was in there, because I was still thinking of what my dad thought of me, not what these amazing men were thinking of me, supporting me, applauding me, everything else that I needed, because dad didn’t have the time to give it. Now, what I had to do, and what you’re going to have to do, is grieve that. You have to grieve the fantasy dad and accept the dad that you had, and then take a look and say, Not that we’re condoning the crap. You know, I had to do a lot of this with my daddy work in my early 20s. Take a look at it and and say, okay, that doesn’t fit what I needed. That fit, you know, like a perfect puzzle piece. And you have to let that fantasy go, cuz a lot of times people stay angry at their dads because they wanted them to be a certain way. Well, guess what? Most of them couldn’t the dads I hear about anyway. And then when you look at a generation behind that, at their dads, well, oh my God. God bless us, but we’re screwed because our dads didn’t know how to do it, because it wasn’t given to them, and it just goes down the road, down the road. And then when couples marry, and you pick a husband who doesn’t value himself, well, guess what’s going to happen to your kids? We gotta stop the leak, you know. And I do a one person at a time, the world out there, I’m not going to save that world that’s up to Hashem, the the creator and that, but I’m doing my part to help people heal so they make better choices and feel better about themselves. Quit thinking of yourself like you’re a loser. You know the three ladies that work Saturday last Sunday. You could see it. I know them well too. You could see it. I see three amazing women, but they see turds. They don’t see the catch, but that when they saw the relationship they had with their dad, I think the bills kind of lifted and took off and made them look at things a little differently. And like I said, I’m going to work on some psycho drama therapy to help people deal with this, whether you’re a male or a female, to first identify, we did it Sunday for the one lady. She’s worked five times. She’s so brave, and we had about 16 set up with her dad where he didn’t value her, treat her like crap, didn’t pay attention. And then at the end, I had her close her eyes, and I say based on this treatment you just saw and went through, what do you think of yourself? That she was able to identify about six characteristics that were not very positive. And then I asked her to keep her eyes closed. And the guy that she was with. She’s not with him anymore. Somebody was role playing him. And I said, Well, do you want to see who you went up and who you end up with when you believe that about yourself? And then we had Mike, one of the participants, playing her old boyfriend, who treat her like crap, took advantage of her, just like her dad. So think about it, pray, chant, whatever you guys want to do, but it’s really tied in, I think, to daddy issues. And you know what? That’s unfair. It takes me off okay, because they come into our life unable to care about us, raise us properly, approve, accept us, and all that. Now we carry that burden for our entire life. I just got blessed. I started working on this stuff in my early 20s. I woke up for some reason and couldn’t believe in all that crap. And that’s why I think I’ve been blessed with so much success and prosperity and. Different, you know, doing videos, things like that. I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you if I believe what my dad said about me, I wouldn’t even know the phone, although my buddy Steve gave me this phone to use. So thanks, Steve. All right, guys, enjoy your weekend. I know it’s going to get a little cooler over the weekend, but I hope you’re out enjoying this. I’m gonna go out, take a long walk and enjoy this. So take care. Oh, there’s my neighbor. Hello. She loves me. See, she was so sweet on my birthday. She finally was my birthday, and she wished me happy birthday. And then about 10 minutes later, she’s at my door, knocking. She brought me a birthday lunch. Oh, I love people like that. All right, God bless you guys. Love you. You.