Does denying our death stop us from living fully?

Denial of Death, fear of death, medical concerns, acceptance, Ernest Becker, Kubler Ross, five stages of grieving, urgency, writing book, physical sensations, reality acceptance, prostate surgery, catheter, cycle drama, shadow work.

Eli discusses the impact of denying death on living fully, sharing a case of a young client in her early 30s who fears various medical conditions due to her fear of death. Eli emphasizes that total denial of death is not beneficial and references Ernest Becker’s book “Denial of Death” and Kubler Ross’s five stages of grieving. He suggests practicing acceptance by repeatedly acknowledging one’s mortality, which can help reduce anxiety and improve living. Eli also promotes his upcoming workshops and encourages participants to act now, as the future is uncertain.

Discussion on Fear of Death and Denial

• Eli begins by discussing the recent tornadoes in the Midwest and mentions his own safety living in a brick house.
• Eli shares that he has been writing and has finished two chapters, with a third on the topic of death.
• Eli recounts a session with a young client in her early 30s who is anxious about various medical issues, which he identifies as a fear of death.
• Eli emphasizes that total denial of death is not helpful and plans to discuss this in his upcoming chapter titled “Does our Denial of Death prevent us from living fully?”

Ernest Becker’s “Denial of Death”

• Eli references Ernest Becker’s book “Denial of Death,” which discusses how people and cultures cope with mortality by denying it.
• Eli explains that denial of death can be unhinging and that accepting death is challenging but necessary.
• Eli mentions Kubler Ross’s five stages of grieving, highlighting that denial is the first defense but should not be the last.
• Eli proposes that total denial prevents people from living fully because they believe they will be around forever.

Techniques for Accepting Death

• Eli suggests that older friends who procrastinate on making changes should be reminded that there is no guarantee for tomorrow.
• Eli shares his own urgency to write his book as he enters his seventh decade, emphasizing that denial would have delayed his work.
• Eli advises his young client to say out loud several times a day, “I’m going to die someday,” to help her accept the reality of death.
• Eli explains that saying the words out loud has a greater impact on the body than just thinking it silently.

Practical Application of Acceptance

• Eli uses the technique of repeating acceptance statements for various realities, such as his prostate surgery and wearing a catheter.
• Eli shares that repeating the acceptance statement helped him mentally prepare for the surgery and made the actual experience less daunting.
• Eli reiterates that total denial of death prevents people from living fully and encourages practicing acceptance.
• Eli plans to finish his chapter on denial of death and invites others to try the acceptance technique for themselves.

Upcoming Workshops and Final Thoughts

• Eli mentions the next cycle drama workshop on April 13, which is fully booked, and the following one on June 1 with three spots available.
• Eli encourages participants to consider attending the workshops, emphasizing that they may not have the next opportunity if they wait.
• Eli concludes by expressing his love for the participants and reminding them to take care.
• Eli reiterates the importance of living fully and not waiting for tomorrow, as it may not come.

Hola Happy Hump Day in the Midwest, we got some tornados last few weeks. Wow. What a ride this has been. Unfortunately, they do land sometimes. Dorothy took off the other day, but be careful, you know, thank God I live in a brick established but I feel a little safer here. So I’ve been writing. I finished two more chapters, and I just started a third, which I want to share with you guys today. This one is talking about death. A week ago Monday, I had a young client in and she’s in her early 30s, and she’s freaking out about all these medical things. The headache is a brain tumor, back pain, pancreatic cancer. And I said to her, I said, what’s underneath these concerns about the medical Well, after digging for a while, we figured out it’s her fear of death, okay? And sometimes we don’t get in touch with that till later in life. Well, she’s tapping into it early. But I told her, I said, I think total Denial of Death is not helpful. And I’ll explain how this works in a minute, in the chapter that I the paragraph, the chapter that I’m writing about, but the paragraph The chapter’s title is, does our Denial of Death prevent us from living fully? And my answer is going to be yes. I can put her off till tomorrow or next year, in 10 years, you know, we delay all this stuff, guys and gals, we’re not promised tomorrow. Let’s see where this denial thing is so deep, we think we got many tomorrows. And, you know, I can tell you I’ll be 74 in July, and I can tell I can feel the drummer going, let’s do it. Let’s get this book done. Let’s do everything. You know, let’s not pretend we’re going to be around for another 10 decades. So I want to read you this paragraph, then we’ll talk about it for a little bit in the early 80s, I was guided to read Ernest Becker’s book entitled Denial of Death. In the book, he discussed how people and cultures came to grips with their own mortality by denying the heck out of it. That’s how we’ve decided to deal with death in the world. He explained that many people needed to deny it because that reality what unhinged them, just like this young lady I’m working with, though I do believe accepting our death could be challenging to many of us, denying it fully isn’t helpful either in the long run. Short run, yeah, long run, I don’t think so. Kubler Ross did an amazing job describing the five stages of grieving, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You will notice that denial is the first defense we use, but should, shouldn’t be the last. I propose that total denial of it has prevented many people from living fully because they are going to be here forever. I always tease some of my older friends by saying, what are you waiting for? When they talk about making a change, you know, what are you waiting for? Okay, there’s no guarantee for tomorrow. They act as if they have 20 more decades to try it. As I entered my seventh decade, I started to feel an urgency to finally write this book. Denial would have stopped me from doing it for another seven decades or more. I recently saw this young client, early 30s who was anxious about dying, she was over focusing on physical sensations would which would freak her out. As I dug in, I realized she was avoiding what was really the core issue, dying To remedy this, and this is what I encourage people to try. I suggest that she say these words out loud several times a day. I’m going to die someday. Saying it out loud will educate her, her body of this eventual reality, reality that will happen. See, what do you say in your head? It doesn’t have the same effect on the body when you say the world’s out loud, someday I’m going to die. I can feel that a little bit right now. Try that’s you can use that over anything. I use this technique for all types of realities I need to accept. Staying in denial truly prevents us from living fully. Each day, tomorrow is promised to noone. So I’m going to be finishing this chapter probably this week, but I just wanted to share this idea with you guys. Total denial is preventing you from living. You know what we waiting for? Well, there’s another year. There’s 10 years of that. No, we don’t know. We gotta get. Busy today, because Tomorrow is not promised, and even today, I don’t know if I’ll make it to the end of the day. So I want to do this video. I wasn’t going to wait till tomorrow, because tomorrow may not be here, right in this book, it was time. You know, I could’ve waited till I was 80, but was was I going to be alive at 80? So just play with this. But that technique that I use, I use for a lot of different things, things that I want to accept. And I say it several, several times a day. You know, when I had my prostate surgery a year and a half ago, I was going to have to wear a catheter. So about two weeks before the surgery, and I knew what was coming, I would be sitting here saying I’m going to be wearing a catheter, I’m going to be emptying a catheter. I’m going to be sleeping with a catheter in that Well, lo and behold, when the day came that came home the hospital with the catheter, it was like, I’ve been doing it for two weeks. So check it out. But the denial of death thing, we’ve got a workout, I believe. Okay, you accepting it fully. That’s the fifth stage in Kubler Ross’s wonderful work, the stages is where we want to get to. But you know, you’ll be bargaining, you’ll do the depression. I’m going to die someday, and all that. You’ll have some anger. Damon, why do I have to die? But eventually you’ll get to acceptance, and what I promise you is you will live differently. Now you don’t have to believe. Eli, practice it. See what you notice. See what it does to change you alright. So next cycle drama, April 13. It’s all booked up. And then the following one is June 1. We just booked that today, and we have three spots available. Anybody wants to come in and do some couple parts parties, some shadow work, some regular cycle drama, a parts party. We got some cool things. So if you haven’t tried it yet, really give it some thinking about, is it time? What are you waiting for? Right? Okay, next year, you know, our next workshop may not be there. Alright? Love you guys. Take care. You.